My mom is incredibly controlling, how do i deal with it?

my mom is so controlling of everything i do. she's trying to tell me who i can and can't talk to based purely on age, she doesn't even know the guy. He's my ex's brother and we talk some on facebook and we text. He's 20 and i'm 16. I know that seems like a pretty big age difference but it's only 4 years, and my brother is 20 and we're friends and i'm friends with a 19 year old. I really like having older friends because i'm pretty mature for my age, a lot of people think i'm 17 or 18. It seems like most high schoolers can't get over petty drama and worry about real problems, so I don't like hanging with them. I am comfortable around guys and know how to act around them as i have 5 brothers. I am very capable and could handle myself if a situation arose. I have met him before so it's not like i'm talking to a stranger. She hasn't met him and i see where that could cause concern, but she doesn't trust me to make good judgement calls. I love my mom, but i'm having a hard time dealing with her. She has a very dictatorial parenting style. Even if I'm right and have facts to back up my points in an argument, when i prove my point or whenever she realizes I'm right and that i actually have a good point, i'm being %26quot;incredibly disrespectful%26quot; and she grounds me and will not take me to ride my horse (I don't have a licence yet). She's always telling me where I can do things, when i can do them and who i can talk to. She has a web filter called SafeEyes on my computer and she has it set so that i get 3 1/2 hours of internet a day. That's more than enough when I have things to do. I'm in a school play and have all A's, B's, and one C. Also when i get home i have homework that i get done right away. But when my step-brothers are over i am virtually confined to my room and i run out of time fast. She blocks a lot of categories that are completely unesicary, like free pages, personals, games, swimsuits, message/bulletin boards, etc. I can understand her blocking nudity and pornography but the other categories are completely ridiculous. All the computers in my house have SafeEyes on them, and everyone has an account. My 13 year old step-brother, who recently got caught looking at porn, has more privellages than I do. He has the same amount of time as I do, he has less categories blocked, and his dad told him how to disable SafeEyes. When i asked for unlimited time over the summer, when I am outside for 2 or more hours a day minimum every day, she said no and when i asked why she said %26quot;because i'm the mother and you need to spend your time doing more productive things.%26quot; Yes, I looked at porn once two years ago because i heard her having sex and was curious as to what it looked like, but she won't remove any categories and she still has SafeEyes on my computer. I do not like porn and don't want to look at it again. She will also come into my room without my permission and look at my computer history to see what i've been doing online. Mostly I do schoolwork and talk to friends on facebook. She also thinks that I do drugs. One night I didn't want to eat dinner with her and her husband so I went downstairs. She came down later and my pupils were dilated. This happens a lot. For some reason my pupils will sometimes dilate and will take up my entire iris, my friends have noticed it too. After seeing this, she assumed i had been smoking weed and searched my backpack for drugs and was considering taking me to the doctor for a drug test. I have never smoked pot and do not want to. I also believe in abstinence before marriage.She also knew the passwords to my e-mail, facebook, and youtube accounts.I recently changed them as I do not believe she has the right to know them. I would be ok with her checking my facebook if she would come down and ask to see it. She also tries to control who I date. As i said before, I have 5 brothers so I have fairly good judgement about guys. If I'm hanging out with my friends, she has to know exactly where we are and will only give me a couple hours to spend with them, if she lets me go at all. I have not gone anywhere recently because of my play rehearsals and homework so this isn't an immediate problem. When we're in an argument, she will dehumanize me and invalidate (?) my emotions and reasons for feeling the way i do. She does anything she can to gain the upper hand and will often bring up irrelevant subjects to get me off point when I'm starting to prove my point. She analyzes everything I do and it feels like I'm always under a microscope.



Please, I feel so trapped and ready to snap. How do I deal with this calmly?My mom is incredibly controlling, how do i deal with it?
I truly believe , your Mom has your best interest at heart.... everything she's doing, is to make you a better person and woman .. she doesn't want you to go thru things she went thru.... Mother knows bestMy mom is incredibly controlling, how do i deal with it?
Okay, well the obvious suggestion is to confront her about it. TELL HER, do not ask her that you 2 need to talk about it. She seems like she is still trying to heep you a little kid. Tell her that since you are 16, you deserve privacy and the right to choose who you hang out with and who you date. Tell her that she needs to realize that you'll be out of the house and on your own in 2 years, her sheltering you doesn't help you make your own decisions. She may be trying to make you learn from her mistakes, but sometimes you have to learn from your own. If that doesn't work, ask her again, but if it doesn't work the 2nd time, here are some options: 1) erase your browser history AND your computer history. 2) Stop telling her about your social life. Do this VERY VERY CAREFULLY though! It can have the desired effect (which is to get her to ease up so that you can open up to her) but it can also backfire. 3) To be completely honest, if she invalidates your emotions, you have to speak up for yourself. Even if it means interrupting her and saying %26quot;Let me finish!%26quot; (My mom even gave me the ok for me to do so if she goes overboard) 4) Safe Eyes.... to be honest, I don't know what you can do for that. I think it would fall under the confrontation category. IYou could bribe your brother ;) but he'd probably tell your parents 5) As for your pupils dialating, mine do that too. My mom actually asked if I was doing drugs and she searched my room. Not much you can do about that. 6) Another suggestion is putting key locks on your bedroom door. Again, this is something you have to be careful about... that sort of sugests you have something to hide... but she'll hopefully get the point.

Just remember, NEVER try to sneak around your parents. If they catch you, (which they eventually will) that just shows them that you are not a trustworthy and mature person.

Hope this helps! Good luck!My mom is incredibly controlling, how do i deal with it?
Tell her that trust is built from unconditional love, do you love me unconditionally ? I know you don't want me to fall into some kind of trap seeing older people and they would hurt me, but I think you are basing pitfalls on your past not mine. I do respect you Mom in every way, but you need to know that holding me under tight reins by investigating my every move and read everything I put down as close revelations will only make me fly the nest quicker never to return. Allow my judgment to prevail and know that I will make the choice on the framework you have taught me through the years. If you let a bird fly it will always come back to the nest, but clip it's wings and it is crippled for life.